We all ask ourselves this question from time to time. Why am I in this world? Why was I born? What is the purpose of life? As we get older, we ask these questions more often. Furthermore, when we face life obstacles, we question our existence in the world more often. It is absolutely natural and normal to wonder why we were brought into the world. In fact, going through life without ever wondering about one’s existence, could be considered an abnormal adjustment to life. Searching for answers to above questions give people an unbelievable amount of peace and hope. Like everyone else, I too have been searching for my propose of existence in this world. Talking to many people, I have been amazed to find out many similar answers. Amazingly, I also discovered a close correlation between the type of answers people provide to above questions and how they interact with other people.
The first answer to the above question which I repeatedly hear from people is :”My purpose of being in this world is to live a happy life”. On the surface, it appears as a soothing and satisfying answer. One who wishes to live a happy life would definitely be a person whom everyone would like to associate with. They are not sad, frustrated or angry. They do not complain about life and are more likely to be satisfied with the minimum. As convincing as this argument sound, I found the personality of people whose purpose of life is happiness quite the opposite of the above description of their character. These people are extremely egocentric. Other people’s needs and their happiness are of least priority on their list. One distinguishing characteristic of these people is that they would laugh at anything and everything. That includes other people’s misery. They do not wish to hear about other people’s problems since that could sway them away from their purpose of living a happy life.
The second answer that most religious leaders provide to the above question is: We are not in this world to have a peace of mind”. This is a very deep statement which by the way is not a direct answer to our question. It tells us what we are not in this world for. This answer is rejecting the notion of “happy go lucky propose of life”. It suggests thinking, wondering, searching, failing, suffering and seeing others’ sufferings as well. All the above could result in lack of peace of mind. I like this answer as it puts us in the right direction. While it does not take us all the way, it at least rejects the notion of no caring egoistic purpose of life that was suggested earlier.
Taking the religious suggestion one step further, I came up with the final answer to our question. It is neither a simple easy one to grasp, nor a doable one. However, it provides us with the utmost sense of relief and the straightest direction of life. One who goes with this direction would never feel lost, sad, frustrated or angry at anything. It is that simple: “Our purpose of life is to make life easier for others.”
The above statement could be re-phrased in many different formats such as “.... to make a difference”, “.... to help others” and such. One whose every action is aimed at making the life journey easier for others would never feel lost. It is impossible for such person to ever laugh at others’ misery. You would never find this person getting frustrated for not having their wishes come true. As the most popular Zoroastrina Avasta song says:” Happiness belongs to those who search it for others.”
Shahrzad Shahriari
BSc.Psych, MSW, RSW
http://www.shahrzadtherapy.com/
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
I cannot make a decision
Making decisions is a unique and yet one of most painful tasks of life. We all have faced situations in which we are required to face dilemmas and make life changing decisions. Some of these decisions are to be made quickly such as whether to change lanes on the highway when being cut off by another driver. Others have a longer deadline and allow us to think, such as deciding to marry a certain person or not.
Overall, making decisions is not a pleasant task, whether it concerns the self or other people. So how can we make the procedure easier and smother? Moreover, how can we make sure to make correct decisions in life, the ones that will leave us with no regrets?
Scientists have done much research in what part of the brain is responsible for making decisions and how the process unfolds. However, other than identifying certain brain regions, science has not been able to solve the mystery of decision making process for humans. Other disciplines have taken many attempts to come up with certain guidelines for effective decision making processes. For instance, leadership courses always dedicate certain chapters to “how great leaders make decisions” or “how risk takers come up with great decisions of all time”. Different religions have also taken many attempts at this issue. Most of religious guidelines however, discourage making decisions and scepticism and encourage surrendering to certain unbreakable unquestionable rules.
Medicine has come a long way in finding a solution to the dilemma of whether patients should be allowed to decide for themselves or not. However, their guidelines are far from being practical. These principles are also dynamic from society to society. For example, while a woman’s decision to abort her unborn baby is respected in western societies, it is very much the decision of the baby’s father at certain Middle Eastern countries. Same goes with deciding to end one’s life or the whole controversial phenomenon of capital punishment and its validation in certain court systems.
So goes the puzzle of whether we humans are capable of making the right decisions for ourselves and others or not.
In order to answer this question effectively and practically, I observed countless decision making processes in my clients, people around me and also myself. I focused on long term effects of made decisions and also the ones that require snap ones. One observation that intrigues me time after time, is that humans are not patient when it comes to making decisions. The process of sleeping on a dilemma and giving it time is especially a painful one for most of us. Why is that? Why can’t we wait for right answers to come to us rather than chasing them? Having order in life is one of human’s strong tendencies. Not knowing what to do next implies chaos. Or does it? When we are faced with a dilemma, it is the responsibility that we fear more than being in an unknown zone. Taking responsibility for one’s decisions is the ultimate definition of entering adulthood and maturity. That makes the decision making process even more painful. How in the world one could make the right decision and take responsibility for its consequences without being ever stressed by it?
The answer is simple: 1. Start by believing that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. It is all life experiences. You can never go wrong with making a decision. 2. Take pride in being in a decision making position. Imagine a person who is never allowed to make any decisions. Would you rather be that person? 3. Do not rush into making decisions. I know sitting on it is no less painful than sitting on needles! However, doing certain things could ease the pain. Go somewhere or do something that takes your mind off it 4. Do not go too far into the future. You can never know how your decision would turn out. 5. Finally, the most important part of making a decision is not make one! Let the right answer come to you when it is ready to reach you. Do not go and search for it. The more you chase it, the more it will play a hide and seek game with you. Ask for it, and it will be yours when you are ready to see it.
Shahrzad Shahriari
BSc.Psych., MSW., RSW.
www.shahrzadtherapy.com
shahrzad.therapy@gmail.com
647-405-7706
Overall, making decisions is not a pleasant task, whether it concerns the self or other people. So how can we make the procedure easier and smother? Moreover, how can we make sure to make correct decisions in life, the ones that will leave us with no regrets?
Scientists have done much research in what part of the brain is responsible for making decisions and how the process unfolds. However, other than identifying certain brain regions, science has not been able to solve the mystery of decision making process for humans. Other disciplines have taken many attempts to come up with certain guidelines for effective decision making processes. For instance, leadership courses always dedicate certain chapters to “how great leaders make decisions” or “how risk takers come up with great decisions of all time”. Different religions have also taken many attempts at this issue. Most of religious guidelines however, discourage making decisions and scepticism and encourage surrendering to certain unbreakable unquestionable rules.
Medicine has come a long way in finding a solution to the dilemma of whether patients should be allowed to decide for themselves or not. However, their guidelines are far from being practical. These principles are also dynamic from society to society. For example, while a woman’s decision to abort her unborn baby is respected in western societies, it is very much the decision of the baby’s father at certain Middle Eastern countries. Same goes with deciding to end one’s life or the whole controversial phenomenon of capital punishment and its validation in certain court systems.
So goes the puzzle of whether we humans are capable of making the right decisions for ourselves and others or not.
In order to answer this question effectively and practically, I observed countless decision making processes in my clients, people around me and also myself. I focused on long term effects of made decisions and also the ones that require snap ones. One observation that intrigues me time after time, is that humans are not patient when it comes to making decisions. The process of sleeping on a dilemma and giving it time is especially a painful one for most of us. Why is that? Why can’t we wait for right answers to come to us rather than chasing them? Having order in life is one of human’s strong tendencies. Not knowing what to do next implies chaos. Or does it? When we are faced with a dilemma, it is the responsibility that we fear more than being in an unknown zone. Taking responsibility for one’s decisions is the ultimate definition of entering adulthood and maturity. That makes the decision making process even more painful. How in the world one could make the right decision and take responsibility for its consequences without being ever stressed by it?
The answer is simple: 1. Start by believing that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. It is all life experiences. You can never go wrong with making a decision. 2. Take pride in being in a decision making position. Imagine a person who is never allowed to make any decisions. Would you rather be that person? 3. Do not rush into making decisions. I know sitting on it is no less painful than sitting on needles! However, doing certain things could ease the pain. Go somewhere or do something that takes your mind off it 4. Do not go too far into the future. You can never know how your decision would turn out. 5. Finally, the most important part of making a decision is not make one! Let the right answer come to you when it is ready to reach you. Do not go and search for it. The more you chase it, the more it will play a hide and seek game with you. Ask for it, and it will be yours when you are ready to see it.
Shahrzad Shahriari
BSc.Psych., MSW., RSW.
www.shahrzadtherapy.com
shahrzad.therapy@gmail.com
647-405-7706
Why Bother?
For anyone who has worked in mental health field, the term “Assessment Tool” should be a familiar one. What it is referred to, is a pre-set questionnaire that an interviewer could use to get to know the client, or in clinicians’ terms, “Assess” the client. Just like a physician who performs a number of examination tasks and questions, a mental health clinician uses an assessment tool to get to know the client better.
Having used these tools in many different setting, I don’t believe that any one of them get us even close to knowing our clients. These tools are nothing but a large number of questions. In them, they give you specific detailed instructions on how to ask the questions and what to ask next after receiving a particular answer from the client. After completing the many pages of questionnaire, the interviewer can sit back and say: “Now I know what is going on with this client”, or can they?
Let’s look at this practice from the client’s point of view. They come into the interview often distressed, anxious and in pain. They are looking to receive comfort and hope. Instead, they sit with a stranger who holds a thick pile of paper in their hand as keeps asking one question after another one. The client gets a good view of the top of the interviewer’s head as they continue writing their answers down. At the end, while both the client and the interviewer are tired out of their minds, the client gets to go home wondering what was the purpose of answering all these questions? It is not until the following session that the client actually gets to tell their story and the reasons for which they seeked help in the first place. That is if they decide to come back after the boring useless assessment session.
So what does the clinician do after the client leaves? They put the completed thick assessment tool in the client’s file. Does anyone ever read these questionnaires? I guarantee you not. The clinician will have to write a summary of the assessment, containing the history of presenting problem, family history etc., which has very little to do with the many questions been asked in the assessment tool. In other words, the interviewer will not be relying on the assessment tool to write their assessment report. Anyone going over the client’s file will briefly glance at the report and not the questionnaire. No one has time to go over so many questions and try to make sense out of them.
So what is the point of asking all these questions? I would say to do the job for those clinicians who don’t have the innate skills of being in the mental health practice. You either have what it takes to relate to clients or you don’t. Furthermore, these tools cover the clinician from ever being accused of not having done their job. When I conduct an assessment interview, I do not relay on any assessment tools. Nor do I use a thick endless questionnaire to get to know my clients. After having a casual conversation for half the time spent on completing any assessment tool, I get an idea of where to go from there.
The problem is rooted in our education system, where people who do not have the skills to be in the profession are being graduated and thrown into the practice. How do we compensate for their lack of people’s skills? Give them a bunch of questions to ask their clients and give it a fancy name such as “Assessment Tool” is not going to make them good clinicians. To me, these tools are nothing but waste of time which will only scare the clients away.
Shahrzad Shahriari
BSc.Psych., MSW., RSW.
www.shahrzadtherapy.com
647-405-7706
Having used these tools in many different setting, I don’t believe that any one of them get us even close to knowing our clients. These tools are nothing but a large number of questions. In them, they give you specific detailed instructions on how to ask the questions and what to ask next after receiving a particular answer from the client. After completing the many pages of questionnaire, the interviewer can sit back and say: “Now I know what is going on with this client”, or can they?
Let’s look at this practice from the client’s point of view. They come into the interview often distressed, anxious and in pain. They are looking to receive comfort and hope. Instead, they sit with a stranger who holds a thick pile of paper in their hand as keeps asking one question after another one. The client gets a good view of the top of the interviewer’s head as they continue writing their answers down. At the end, while both the client and the interviewer are tired out of their minds, the client gets to go home wondering what was the purpose of answering all these questions? It is not until the following session that the client actually gets to tell their story and the reasons for which they seeked help in the first place. That is if they decide to come back after the boring useless assessment session.
So what does the clinician do after the client leaves? They put the completed thick assessment tool in the client’s file. Does anyone ever read these questionnaires? I guarantee you not. The clinician will have to write a summary of the assessment, containing the history of presenting problem, family history etc., which has very little to do with the many questions been asked in the assessment tool. In other words, the interviewer will not be relying on the assessment tool to write their assessment report. Anyone going over the client’s file will briefly glance at the report and not the questionnaire. No one has time to go over so many questions and try to make sense out of them.
So what is the point of asking all these questions? I would say to do the job for those clinicians who don’t have the innate skills of being in the mental health practice. You either have what it takes to relate to clients or you don’t. Furthermore, these tools cover the clinician from ever being accused of not having done their job. When I conduct an assessment interview, I do not relay on any assessment tools. Nor do I use a thick endless questionnaire to get to know my clients. After having a casual conversation for half the time spent on completing any assessment tool, I get an idea of where to go from there.
The problem is rooted in our education system, where people who do not have the skills to be in the profession are being graduated and thrown into the practice. How do we compensate for their lack of people’s skills? Give them a bunch of questions to ask their clients and give it a fancy name such as “Assessment Tool” is not going to make them good clinicians. To me, these tools are nothing but waste of time which will only scare the clients away.
Shahrzad Shahriari
BSc.Psych., MSW., RSW.
www.shahrzadtherapy.com
647-405-7706
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