Making decisions is a unique and yet one of most painful tasks of life. We all have faced situations in which we are required to face dilemmas and make life changing decisions. Some of these decisions are to be made quickly such as whether to change lanes on the highway when being cut off by another driver. Others have a longer deadline and allow us to think, such as deciding to marry a certain person or not.
Overall, making decisions is not a pleasant task, whether it concerns the self or other people. So how can we make the procedure easier and smother? Moreover, how can we make sure to make correct decisions in life, the ones that will leave us with no regrets?
Scientists have done much research in what part of the brain is responsible for making decisions and how the process unfolds. However, other than identifying certain brain regions, science has not been able to solve the mystery of decision making process for humans. Other disciplines have taken many attempts to come up with certain guidelines for effective decision making processes. For instance, leadership courses always dedicate certain chapters to “how great leaders make decisions” or “how risk takers come up with great decisions of all time”. Different religions have also taken many attempts at this issue. Most of religious guidelines however, discourage making decisions and scepticism and encourage surrendering to certain unbreakable unquestionable rules.
Medicine has come a long way in finding a solution to the dilemma of whether patients should be allowed to decide for themselves or not. However, their guidelines are far from being practical. These principles are also dynamic from society to society. For example, while a woman’s decision to abort her unborn baby is respected in western societies, it is very much the decision of the baby’s father at certain Middle Eastern countries. Same goes with deciding to end one’s life or the whole controversial phenomenon of capital punishment and its validation in certain court systems.
So goes the puzzle of whether we humans are capable of making the right decisions for ourselves and others or not.
In order to answer this question effectively and practically, I observed countless decision making processes in my clients, people around me and also myself. I focused on long term effects of made decisions and also the ones that require snap ones. One observation that intrigues me time after time, is that humans are not patient when it comes to making decisions. The process of sleeping on a dilemma and giving it time is especially a painful one for most of us. Why is that? Why can’t we wait for right answers to come to us rather than chasing them? Having order in life is one of human’s strong tendencies. Not knowing what to do next implies chaos. Or does it? When we are faced with a dilemma, it is the responsibility that we fear more than being in an unknown zone. Taking responsibility for one’s decisions is the ultimate definition of entering adulthood and maturity. That makes the decision making process even more painful. How in the world one could make the right decision and take responsibility for its consequences without being ever stressed by it?
The answer is simple: 1. Start by believing that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. It is all life experiences. You can never go wrong with making a decision. 2. Take pride in being in a decision making position. Imagine a person who is never allowed to make any decisions. Would you rather be that person? 3. Do not rush into making decisions. I know sitting on it is no less painful than sitting on needles! However, doing certain things could ease the pain. Go somewhere or do something that takes your mind off it 4. Do not go too far into the future. You can never know how your decision would turn out. 5. Finally, the most important part of making a decision is not make one! Let the right answer come to you when it is ready to reach you. Do not go and search for it. The more you chase it, the more it will play a hide and seek game with you. Ask for it, and it will be yours when you are ready to see it.
Shahrzad Shahriari
BSc.Psych., MSW., RSW.
www.shahrzadtherapy.com
shahrzad.therapy@gmail.com
647-405-7706
No comments:
Post a Comment