It has often been said that “It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission”. However, a true apology takes much more effort and character than just saying sorry. When we apologize, we imply that we are aware of our mistake and won’t let it happen again. Would this be enough for us to be forgiven? For example, imagine that you are at fault in a car accident. Would apologizing to the other driver and assuring them that it won’t happen again be enough for them let you go? Probably not!
In order to make sure that your apology is sincere and you are truly forgiven, follow the following guideline:
1. Assure the other person that you are aware of your mistake. Whether your mistake was deliberate or not is not important. Your understanding of your mistake is what grants you forgiveness.
2. Your apology has to show the other person that your mistake will never happen again. If you cannot provide such guarantee, assure them that you will do anything in your power to prevent it from happening again.
3. In order to forgive you, the other person needs to be convinced that you will do anything to make up for your mistake. In order to do that, it is best to ask them to suggest what you can do to make it up to them.
4. The last point is the most important one. Three above points won’t grant you forgiveness unless you show your awareness of the pain your have caused. Unless the other person knows that, they are unable to forgive you even if they want to. In order to understand their pain, put yourself in their shoes and tell them how it feels.
Let’s simplify the above with an example: a man promises his wife to go home earlier from work to take her shopping. However, he forgets and keeps his wife waiting. He apologizes to her. However, he won’t be forgiven unless he:
1. shows her that he knows breaking promises is not nice.
2. assures her that he will never breaks his promises to her again.
3. asks her what he can do to make it up to her.
4. puts himself in her shoes and tells her how it feels to be kept waiting.
If your intention of saying sorry is to be truly forgiven, review the above four points to increase your chances.
Shahrzad Shahriari
BSc.Psych., MSW., RSW.
http://www.shahrzadtherapy.com/
shahrzad.therapy@gmail.com
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