My Child Lies

Lying and distorting the truth is one of those behaviours that we learn from others. In other words, lying is not innate, but is learned through modeling. Children learn to lie from their parents and caregivers. Almost every parent would like their children to grow up honest. However, most of these parents are not conducting their lives as honest people. Regardless of how many times we advise our children against lying and dishonesty, they model our behaviours of dis/honesty. If you would like your children to grow up honest people, follow the following suggestions:



1. Never lie to your children

We all have witnessed kids who are crying and screaming in stores asking their parents to get them certain items. Some of these parents decide to tell lie to their children to make them quite. Lies such as “We will get it later, or “We are late and have to go” or “I have forgotten my valet at home.” Be sure that every child is smart enough to know that their parent is making up these lies to avoid getting them the item. This is where they learn that lying is an appropriate behaviour to get them off the hook. When they see their parents lie, they would like to try it too.


2. Never lie in front of your children

We often forget that our children are observing and modeling our behaviours. Even if they appear to be occupied with their toys, be sure that they are monitoring our smallest moves. For example, imagine a parents who calls their workplace and books sick to take care of some other errand. Their kid observes the behaviour and learns that lying about your sickness is appropriate. Don’t be surprised if that child pretends to be sick to skip school the next day!


3. Never ask your children to lie for you

For children, a lie is a lie. They do not understand the difference between white lies and other lies. For example, imagine a parent who asks their children to answer the door and say that no one is home. They do not understand that daddy is having a headache and cannot deal with the vacuum cleaner salesperson. They learn that it is all right to lie and would like to try it too.


4. Never reinforce your children’s lying behaviour

When Children try out new behaviours they look for their parents’ reactions. Depending on how their parents react to them, they decide whether that particular behaviour is appropriate or not. Children say their first lies in front of their parents to see their reactions. It is during these golden moments that you can shape your children’s bahaviours. For example, imagine asking a child where their doll is and they say “Mr. Elephant took it”. While being a very cute answer, it could be the child’s first lie. Do not reinforce it by smiling or laughing or asking them to repeat it in front of others. Tell them that lying is an inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour.


Shahrzad Shahriari

BSc.Psych, MSW, RSW

www.shahrzadtherapy.com